The Loveliest Survive
Dispatches from Denver
It’s a beautiful day to see old friends.
Ten hours later, still smiling.
No matter where we are,
we always find each other in this world.
Loved you then,
love you still.
Forward motion is easy
when our hearts are fastened to love.
On a hike with Chris and Tanja, the trail circles around an overlook of Denver from afar. We find a clearing to meditate on the rocks, taking twenty minutes to breathe in aliveness. Eyes open to the sound of wings flapping in the sky. “Hoo hoo hoo,” like a dog panting. The forest is cone-drop silent.
In the winter sun, the scales on pine bark smell like butterscotch. You should huddle up and inhale deeply.
An orange one-eyed cat walks behind two girls.
Where they go, he follows.
Tail tall, chub clutched, shadow swift, forever protector.
I believe the loveliest survive.
Remember the days when I could sit through a book? Frazzled attention is a tiring, broken record. Maybe there’s also truth to life’s growing complexity. We always have a lot to do, a lot to think about. Life can no longer afford a fantasy book, cover to cover, dusk to dawn. These days, when I read, I have a strong urge to note down everything interesting and share it with people. Can we remember this together? I stretch out my arms because I’m terrified of losing.
When I first heard Happy with You live at Big Thief’s London tour in 2023, I cried and decided then it would be my wedding song. And a wedding is just a celebration of love with my best friends.
It is possible to outgrow the poison and shame one’s lived through as a child. Those bits that settle in the stomach like microplastics. To realize that in the end, I am an immigrant of nowhere and my motherland is one of people with good will. Home is with you, you, you, and you. We’ve all got names that sound like a mouthful of marbles to someone. I’ve forgotten what they used to call me and not, and I’ve ceased looking for answers where questions were never warranted.
No point counting the choices that got you here / All small things cascade / At times, I may seem invincible / hiding / running and skipping faster than anyone else / If my heart isn’t beating like this, I’ll forget that I’m alive / No more sinking if I’ve reached the bottom / a kind of bottom that’s just the earth sandwiching me with sky / When I can’t see the sky, you put your body atop mine
At any point, we could be alone again / but I’ll never forget how you held my hands and looked me in the glistening eyes / When I asked you what time it was, you said it was kissing time / Gently, you set the passion fruit & lemon posset on my table and I closed my eyes / Before leaving the room, you switched on the kettle because I mentioned tea
‘Breathing in aliveness’ - what a beautiful expression. I’ll think of it when I sit to still my brain. Thank you, Erica!
what a lovely read!